Sam's Secret

Author: LauraJo
Rating: G
Archive: Please ask first.
Summary: Just how does Sam do it?
Disclaimer: The characters belong to MGM/Gekko/Double Secret.
Spoilers: Nothing specific.
Status: Complete
Author's notes: Just something short and silly, and if you're looking for someone to blame set your sights on Lin and Nutty Muppet - this came from conversations with both of them!   Set late season three.  Feedback, as always, is welcomed with open arms.  {April 2003}


"Come on Sam, out with it."

"Out with what?"

Janet tossed back the remainder of her glass of wine, and reached for a refill.  "You know very well 'with what'."

"All I know is that you seem to think I have some kind of secret."

"It's not just me.  I can't think of a single nurse in my infirmary who hasn't commented on it at one time or another.  And as for Lieutenant Astor..."

"What about Lieutenant Astor?"

"You haven't heard her?"

"Well, seeing as I don't know what you're talking about-"

"-You mean you're pretending not to know."

Sam sighed.  "Humour me.  What about her?"

"She's the most jealous of the lot.  But then, that's only natural."

"You're starting to worry me."  Sam motioned towards Janet's glass with her hand.  "How many of those have you had?"

"Not nearly enough.  And neither have you."  Janet reached for the bottle again, this time tipping its contents into Sam's glass.

"Janet!" Sam protested.

"You've got some catching up to do."

Sam opened her mouth to argue, but the steely determination she saw in her friend's eyes soon had her closing it without uttering another word.  When she then lifted her glass to her lips, the look of determination faded to one of satisfaction.

"That's better."

Fighting the urge to put her glass straight back down to make some kind of point, Sam instead asked,

"So what wine is this anyway?"

"I'm not sure, something Australian.  It was a gift."

"From whom?"

"From... Oh no, I'm not letting you get away with that.  Distraction isn't going to work on me."

"Worth a shot.  And I really don't know what you're talking about."

"Sam, it's not as if we haven't been discussing it for the last ten minutes."

"Correction.  You were talking about it.  I let my mind wander.  That is, right up until you asked me the question."

"Sam!  I can't believe you were ignoring me."

"I wasn't ignoring you, I just wasn't listening.  There's a difference.  Alcohol has a tendency to make me do that."

"Do what?"

"Drift off into my own little dream world."

Janet smirked.  "Anywhere nice?"

"Nowhere worth commenting on."  Despite her words, Sam's eyes gave her away, leaving Janet in no doubt as to what her friend had been thinking about while she had been talking.

"Right, Sam."


"Okay, okay, I won't go there.  This time.  But you have to tell me what I want to know."

"Which is?"

"Your secret."

"I know that, what I don't know is what this secret is supposed to be!"

Janet went to take another mouthful of wine before answering, only to find her glass was empty, and a quick glace at the bottle told her that it was empty too.  Oh yes, she'd given it all to Sam.  She'd go and get some more in a moment; just as soon as Sam had answered her question.

"How on Earth-" Janet paused to smile at her own word choice, bizarrely amused at how inappropriate it was.  Must be the drink.  Pulling herself back together, she started again.  "How do you manage to keep your eyeliner so perfect all the time?"

"That's it?  That's the big secret?!  Your eye make up isn't exactly a disaster area."

"No, but I don't spend days on end on other planets!  I do my make up before coming to work and I'm lucky if I don't have to touch it up by lunchtime.  There's no way you can do that out in the field, yet every time you come back through that 'gate you don't even have the slightest hint of a black smudge under your eyes!"  Somewhere along the line it occurred to Janet that this was absolutely the most ridiculous conversation to be having.  But it was something people had talked about it, and damnit, she really wanted to know!

Sam interrupted Janet's thoughts with a question of her own.  "Hang on, how does this relate to Lieutenant Astor?"

"She's one of the few other female SG team members, I guess she has more reason to be curious than most."

"I... really don't know what to say."  Sam was quite bemused.  "I had no idea anyone would have taken that much notice."

"There's even been speculation that you had it tattooed on.  So?"


"How do you do it?"

"Oh!"  Sam smiled.  "Actually, I guess it could be termed a 'secret'.  A friend sends me the eye pencil she gets, I've never seen anything like it.  She told me once that the liner didn't shift without proper remover, even when she washed her face a few times.  She wasn't kidding."

"A friend sends it?  Where from?"  Janet eagerly awaited the answer, looking forward to being back at work so she could finally share this with anyone who'd listen.  From the sound of it this product may not be cheap - not if Sam had to have it sent specially - but damnit, it would be worth the hassle if it was as good as it looked!

"England.  I think she gets it from their equivalent of Walmart.  Their own brand."

"You're kidding me."

Sam smiled slightly, and brought her glass to her lips.  "I'm deadly serious."

"I need another drink."



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