The Light
by Jen
"Where's Daniel?" Jack asked.
"Off exploring," Sam replied.
"This is like our honeymoon."
"What?" Sam asked, turning around to face him.
"You, me, little place by the sea. I'm telling you, this is our honeymoon."
"Aside from no room service, no privacy, and oh, no sex."
"Daniel'll be gone for hours."
"Jack!"
"Look, we have weeks to go in this place, I'm sayin', let's make the most of
it."
"I thought we did that last night," Sam replied.
"We didn't do anything last night," Jack replied, confused.
"Exactly. Jack, I've slept with you. On many occasions. But I've never
really slept with you. Just... sleeping."
"We've spent nights together..."
"Yeah, usually preceded by us jumping each other. We make the most of our time,
Jack, and I'm not complaining. It's then followed by one of us having to leave
at the crack of dawn to go back home."
"This is why the idea of us having a change of clothes at the other's is a good
thing..."
"It's not that," she sighed, "sometimes I just want..."
"I know," he smiled.
"Besides, I think we need to be careful..."
"Daniel's too fascinated by that device to notice..."
"On the beach... when you and I..."
"Fought?" Jack finished.
"Yeah," Sam replied. "I didn't want to keep up the 'sir' routine if we were
going to be stuck here."
"Oh. I see."
"The idea of being here for the rest of our lives and not being with you?"
"You want this to come out, don't you?"
"Sometimes," she admitted. "But you knew that. It was just the idea of forever
that I hated. But when reality hits. I think we work because we're not out in
the open. Because we can't tell anyone we have to work hard at it, and not just
at keeping it a secret."
"It's not going to be a secret forever," Jack pointed out. "At some point I'm
not going to be in the Air Force anymore. And at some point, neither will you."
"I know," she said. "But that's one day. Today, right here, this is how things
are."
"Us just... sleeping together?"
"Exactly," she said. "C'mon, Jack, we have to be careful how we do things as it
is. If we start sneaking off every five minutes even Daniel is gonna get suss."
"So, let me get this straight," Jack said. "We have a couple of weeks in this
place, the honeymoon destination..."
"From hell," Sam interjected.
"...and you're telling me no sex? That's the longest I've been celibate since we
got together!"
"Jack," Sam sighed. "Not everything is about sex."
"See, that just proved you're a woman."
"I'd have hoped that would have been obvious," Sam quipped.
"You know what I mean," Jack replied.
"No, I don't think I do."
"We're married, right?"
"Right."
"Conjugal rights."
"Jack, there is more to a marriage than just sex. You should know that."
"Do you think that's the be all and end all of us?"
"It's how you're acting..."
"Look, I love you, I fancy you to high heaven, and yeah, you do things in bed
that would make any man want to spend forever in between the sheets with you.
But I also love how smart you are, your sense of humour. You're dedicated beyond
belief, you're passionate about what you do, what you think, feel and believe
in. You're loyal, you're stubborn but not stupid, and you... You drive me
crazy."
"You had to bring it around to sex..."
"No, you drive me crazy just by being in a room with you. You're way smarter
than I could ever be, you get things I couldn't even think of getting, and you
never, ever, act big-headed. You're modest."
"Modest?"
"Yeah, modest. How many times have you saved the world?"
"Have we saved the world," she corrected.
"Yeah, but you're the ideas girl," Jack said. "Woman," he corrected off her
look. "Person," he finally settled on.
"Jack..."
"Look," he said, shifting over to sit next to her. "Back home, you and I have
two lives. The one we have to live, and the one we want to live. The one we want
to live is the one we have snatched moments of every other night. Yeah, so...
sex is... high on the agenda. But we can talk at any time. We can have dinner
any night. I've known you for almost four years, Sam. I'd like to think I've
gotten to know you pretty well."
"Yeah, well..."
"And married couples do the friend thing. Sara and I were friends. Things went
wrong when we stopped being friends. We do the friend thing all the time, Sam.
What I want to do when I can is the married thing. I want my wife, Sam."
"You have me," she said, taking his hand in hers. "I... I don't want to have to
field questions from Daniel, OK? I don't want to have to tell him what's been
going on and see that look in his eye."
"What look?"
"The one that says, 'You're nuts'. The one that asks, 'Are you trying to ruin
your career?' The one that..."
"I get the idea."
"Jack..."
"OK, I get it."
"Look, we get to do the friends thing all the time. We get to do the married
thing, the sex part, at every given opportunity. What about the other married
part?"
"What other part?"
"OK, I'm gonna assume you do actually know," Sam replied. "Mom and Dad... They
talked. More than friends. Dad told me that he and Mom shared a soul. I want
that with you."
"Sam..."
"I want to know everything. More than what I know already."
"You know enough."
"I don't know everything."
"Sam," he said, his tone getting heavy. "You know enough."
"You're keeping things from me?"
"Sam, please."
"Is this a, 'I'm protecting you' kind of thing?"
"This is an, 'I'm protecting me' kind of thing."
"Protecting yourself from what?"
"From... me," he said. "Because I like having you around. I'm getting used to
having you around. And if..."
"You think that if I knew everything that would change things?"
"I know it would."
"Jack, I'm not Sara."
"I had noticed that," he quipped.
"I know that things have to be kept secret because the other person can't know
the truth. We live our lives in secret, not telling those closest to us because
it would destroy the image that they have of us. I'm a scientist, not a fighter.
I study space, I don't travel it. And you... Jack, I can imagine..."
"Yeah, imagine," he said. "You don't know."
"So tell me."
"Sam..."
"Tell me and trust me. You've said that you trust me."
"And I do."
She gave his hand a gently squeeze. "So trust me."
"Two weeks?" he said.
"I'll make it worth your while," she grinned.
"Now who's making this about sex?" he laughed.
"Just..."
"OK," he sighed. "What do you want to know?"
"Start at the beginning," she replied. "What was it like for you growing up?"
