"Don't sulk," Jack said.
"I'm not sulking!"
"Sam, I know you. You're sulking."
"Well, it's just we get so little time off as it is…"
"I thought you'd be rapt at the idea of testing the X301."
"Then why are you sulking?"
"Because fun though it's going to be, I'd rather spend time with you."
"Really? You'd rather not play with your new toy and… play with me?"
"Never mind all the data that we're going to get. Never mind that you've been involved with this project for years. Never mind that this is a human first. Never mind that…"
"OK!" she yelled. "I get your point. Yeah, it's gonna be fun… I just wish… I want to spend some time with you. Just you."
"We'll find time," he said.
"Good, because I don't like the idea of having an absent husband."
The calculations had to be right. She had to bring him home. Them home, she corrected. Them. Not him. If she kept thinking him then she'd say him at some point and then she'd be in trouble. And it wasn't as if she didn't care about Teal'c. She just wanted her husband home. She needed him home.
"Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c are in trouble and we need your help."
"That's good enough. Let's go."
He didn't question it, didn't ask what and why, just accepted that if his only daughter was out here, risking her life and his, then it must be big. Sam was grateful her father didn't ask questions. She'd always hated lying to him, and he had gotten pretty good at figuring out when she was lying. The second she'd mentioned 'Deep Space Radar Telemetry' then he'd known it was anything but. And right now, as he went for the controls and prepared to make a getaway she could see that same realisation dawning.
"Dammit, Colonel, we didn't come all this way to take you home in a box, now wake up!"
Not this close. She couldn't be this close and lose him. The idea made her sick to her stomach. She didn't want to be a young widow.
But she wouldn't be. She would never be his widow, not properly. If he died, here and now, then she could never grieve for him properly, curl up in a pile of his clothes and cry herself to sleep. And at the funeral she would have to be stoic and play the role of his second and friend, not his wife. Not the woman who loved him. Not the woman who married him. And no one would ever know.
She wanted to touch him. Reach out and touch him, make sure he was real. Really real and really here and really breathing. She had to keep her hands in her pockets as they walked through the corridors of the SGC. She shuffled her feet as Janet checked him over. And tried not to be too quick to volunteer when Janet said he could go home, but someone should drive him to be sure.
"OK," Jack said as they walked into his house. "Come on."
"What?" Sam asked.
"What's been bugging you?"
"What do you think?" she almost yelled. "You almost died, Jack. You could have died because of this."
"By this you mean the X301."
"Your new toy."
"Which you now hate."
"It could have killed you."
"You weren't to know, Sam."
"Doesn't mean I shouldn't have known, shouldn't have thought about it."
"Hey," he said, "even Teal'c didn't think about it. Why should you have?"
"Because it's who I am, Jack," she sighed. "It's my role, my part. I'm the scientist."
"I thought you wanted to be called by your rank, not your salutation."
"If you're about to take me up on the arm wrestling challenge then I swear to god I'm gonna hurt you."
"C'mere," he said, taking her hand and pulling her down onto the couch. "Sam. This is me."
"Exactly. It's you. And you have no idea how much I'm in love with you."
"I do have a fair idea…"
"No, you don't, Jack. I have never felt like this, not about anyone. I want to be with you. I want the whole world to know and at the same time I don't because I like the fact that it's just you and me. Like we have this little world that no one else can even touch. And not being with you… It kills me. Sometimes it almost does. Like this week when I thought I'd lost you."
"So… I wanna make a will."
"OK. How do we get from that to this?"
"If you'd died I'd have been left with nothing."
"So you want me for my worldly goods?" he laughed.
"No, I want you. And if I lost you then that would be everything. And I couldn't be your widow, I could never grieve for you properly and I wouldn't be able to have anything, not without people asking questions."
"I'm sure you could sneak a few shirts from my wardrobe," he said.
"That wasn't what I was thinking about."
"I don't know, something that meant something to you."
"Like…? You gotta help me out here, Sam, because the past week has been a fun-filled, oxygen deprived one."
"I don't know, your fishing rods or something," she said. "Something that meant something to you."
"You mean something to me."
"So what would you want of mine?"
"You wouldn't understand a word of them."
"No, but I'd want them anyway."
"So can we?"
"Can we what?"
"Make wills," she said. "You and me."
"Sam, I've been here. I have a will."
"So change it. Unless you don't want to."
"It's not that, Sam."
"Then what?" she asked.
"Do you know what's involved? A complete survey of our assets. Division of properties. And two witnesses."
"Two. So, if you know two people who'd be willing to sign off on our last wills and testaments and not wonder why we're leaving everything to each other then feel free to put them up for the job."
"I wouldn't leave you everything anyway."
"And why not?" he asked, feigning hurt.
"I want to leave something for Cass, make sure she's OK."
"She'll be fine, Sam," Jack said. "She's got the Doc."
"Yeah, well, none of us are going to be around forever. Janet'll leave her everything, but I want to do my bit."
"I guess that's fair."
"Who's in your will?"
"You said you already have a will. Who's in it?"
"Your ex wife?"
"I made it when we were still married."
"Yeah, but you're not anymore."
"So that's why she's not here," he mocked.
"Very funny, Jack. Why haven't you changed it?"
"To what? It's not like I have any family left, well, none that I want to give my prized possessions to."
"I could make you executor."
"You make sure everything's done right. And if you want to siphon off a few things I don't see Sara objecting too much."
"And what about me?"
"You don't have a will?"
"Never saw the need for one."
"I can't exactly leave everything to you, can I?"
"Not unless you want to get strangers to sign it."
"They'll wonder what's going on," she said. "But there's one thing."
"I want a living will."
"No life support."
"I don't want to just be… hanging on. If I've gone, then let me go."
"So you'll want me to pull the plug? Kill you?"
"Jack, it'll just be my body."
"I like your body."
"Jack, it doesn't have to be you that… but I want it done. If I'm gone, if there's no chance, then please."
"I'll get it started tomorrow. Janet'll sign off on it."
"She won't like it. I don't like it."
"But she'll do it."
"Will you?" she asked.
"I won't kill you," he said.
"It doesn't have to be you."
"Good." She curled up beside him, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm glad you're home."
Jack smiled and put his arms around her. "I'm glad too."
"What was it like?"
"Dying out there? Like Antarctica. Only not as much fun."
"Antarctica was fun?" Sam asked, sitting up.
"Well, it was the company."
Smiling, she leaned in and kissed him. "Promise me something."
"No more flights in Goa'uld ships, not until I've checked them out, OK?"
"How about I don't go anywhere without you?"
"Better," she said, settling down again. "Impractical, but I like the sentiment."
"OK, here's a promise. We ever make trips without the other, we will definitely make up for it when we get back."
"Well, you've just got back now," she grinned.
"Fraiser said I need to rest. You're a little too… energetic for that."
"Well, I do have an idea," she said.
"What?" Jack asked.
Sam didn't reply, just got up and walked towards the bedroom.
"Sam?" he called after her.
He got to his feet and walked to the bedroom. "Oh good god," he exclaimed.