Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Voyager or the film "Same Time, Next Year". This story and those characters not taken from Voyager are mine though.
Summary: Loosely based on the 1978 film of the same name. Despite being my longest story to date, this is largely a dialogue piece. I didn't intend to include the song at the end of part one - I'd never heard it until after I'd finished that section, but once I heard the words I just had to include it. Make sure you read it to see what I mean.
Same Time, Next Year - Part One
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2377 - San Francisco
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The crew of the starship Voyager gathered in the ballroom of a hotel in San Francisco for their 'Welcome Home' party. After six years they'd finally made it, and thanks to some sweet-talking from Captain Janeway no charges were being brought against the ex-maquis. In fact, Janeway had been surprised at her hardest battle - to get Tom Paris reinstated into Starfleet. The top brass had been reluctant to grant him his rank due to the manner in which he had left, having been forced out.
Now all of that had been settled, and life could finally return to normal. Well, almost normal. There had been one casualty of their first weeks home, and consequently a notable absence at the party. Commander Chakotay.
It had happened while Voyager was still in orbit above the Earth, before it was sent to Utopia Planetia for refitting. Kathryn had just been offered the chance to command Voyager again when the ship was ready, with the choice of any crew she wanted. She had already decided without question that she would only do it if Chakotay would stay with her. She hadn't thought this would be a problem. She was wrong.
Chakotay turned up outside the little coffee shop in Paris five minutes early. He had wanted to be there in good time for his meeting with Kathryn, and had actually managed it. He was just wondering whether maybe he should go and order them some coffees when Kathryn turned up, dressed in Starfleet uniform. This he hadn't expected. He knew she wanted to talk to him about something, but the last thing he had imagined considering the location was for her to walk up to him in her uniform. Unfortunately he let his surprise and disappointment show.
"Kathryn, hi."
"Hi. What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"That look on your face. There's obviously something wrong. Maybe I wouldn't have noticed if I didn’t know you so well, but I do, so spill it."
"I just hadn't expected you to turn up in uniform, that's all. It's not as if you've come straight from a meeting."
"No, I haven't, but the reason I wanted to see you has to do with work, and I needed to wear the uniform. Somehow it was the only way I could make this feel at all official. Let's get some coffee and sit down."
Once they had each got a drink they sat at one of the outside tables so they could talk.
"So, Kathryn, what is it?"
"I suppose I should get straight to the point. I'm here to officially offer you the position of First Officer aboard Voyager when she goes back into service. They offered me my command back, and I said I'd take it if I could have any crew I wanted. They said that's what they had intended, so I'm asking you if you want your old job back."
"I don't know how to say this. I'm sorry Kathryn, but I don't want to go back to Voyager."
Now it was Kathryn's turn to be shocked.
"Kathryn, are you alright?"
"I honestly didn’t expect you to say no. Do you have something else you want to do instead?"
"Not yet, no."
"Then…why? Why don’t you want to go back to Voyager?"
"I suppose I don't think it would ever be the same as it was before."
"It could be better, we won’t know unless we give it a try. I…I love you, I thought you loved me…we could have…"
"Kathryn!"
She had made her first major mistake. Actually, it was a mistake she had made before - trying to use Chakotay's feelings for her to get her own way. It didn’t work then, and it wasn't going to work now.
"Kathryn, I can’t believe you just did that. You think that I'd go back to Voyager just because of how I feel about you. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, going back there would be the worst thing that could happen to us. That ship has always come first, and I would never be sure that it wouldn’t now. In fact, I could say pretty confidently that it would."
"You don't know that."
"Can you promise me otherwise?"
"I…"
Silence.
"I thought not. Goodbye, Captain."
With that, Chakotay walked off, and that was the last anyone from Voyager saw of him for a while. By the time the welcome home party had been organised he had already taken another job with Starfleet, and had left Earth.
So that was how it had happened that the crew of Voyager had gathered for a party without their First Officer. Everyone else was there, in body if not in spirit. As the party started things were in full swing, and everyone was enjoying themselves. Chakotay had left Earth without a word to anyone, and as a consequence no one except Kathryn knew there was anything wrong. He hadn't even contacted B'Elanna before leaving. And as Kathryn didn't make it for the start of the party, nothing appeared to be amiss.
As Kathryn entered the room by the main double doors, the whole atmosphere of the room changed. Everyone looked round expecting to see their two favourite commanding officers enter arm-in-arm. The whole crew had been aware of their feelings for one another, even though they had never openly admitted them. It seemed only natural to them that now they were home things would come into the open, and it had been widely assumed that they would attend the welcome home party as a couple. As it turned out, this expectant attitude was probably the worst thing that could have happened as far as Kathryn was concerned. She walked in to find everyone turn in her direction, nothing she hadn't expected so far. What she hadn't been prepared for was the collective expression of shock, disappointment and confusion. Smiles and laughter turned to silence as everyone realised that their Captain had just entered alone, and Kathryn froze. She didn't know whether she wanted to run or hide. Thanks to B'Elanna, she didn't get the chance to do either.
"Hi Captain, we had started to wonder where you'd got to. Come on, I'll show you round the place. It's a wonderful hotel, I've never been anywhere like it. The grounds are just amazing, we'll go there first…"
As B'Elanna steered her Captain through the room and out of the back door the general chatter started again, only this time everyone knew there was only one topic being discussed. Once B'Elanna and Kathryn got outside, B'Elanna started to say what she really wanted.
"I'm sorry about what just happened Captain. I guess everyone just expected you to be with Chakotay. You were both late, and we all just assumed that you'd be coming together…"
"Didn't turn out that way, did it? And please, call me Kathryn. No-one else is going to tonight."
"He's not coming?"
"I doubt I'll ever see him again."
"What happened?"
"I'm not sure really. Judging by the reaction when I walked in just now I gather everyone was thinking the same as I was, that once we were back home there would be nothing stopping us being together."
"You do love him then."
"Of course I do, I told him so too. I just didn't do it in the way that I should have. He's not going to be back on board Voyager when she is back in service. I'm not either."
"What?"
"Starfleet gave me the command, with the choice of any crew that I wanted. I took it, and planned to ask all of the old crew if they wanted their old jobs back tonight. I suspected that there would be those who didn't want to come back, and I accepted that. I didn't expect Chakotay to be one of them. I asked him to come back as my first officer, and he said no. Something about the ship always coming first with me. He was right I suppose, if we were on a ship together the ship would have to come first, that's part of my job as Captain. What he didn't stay around long enough to find out was that although I would put the ship before him, I would put him before my career. If we couldn't have worked out a relationship on Voyager or any other ship I would have asked for a transfer to a planetside job, or left Starfleet if necessary. Anyway, none of that matters now, and now he won't be there Voyager doesn't mean the same to me anymore. I don't want to be on a ship with all the old crew if he isn't there, so I told Starfleet I no longer wanted the command. I've taken a post on the Genesis. It's a larger ship than Voyager, and it's a straight take-over from the old Captain who just retired. I'll be the only person from Voyager on board."
"What's going to happen to Voyager?"
"They've given it to Tuvok. He's also going to offer positions to anyone who wants to go back, but he doesn't think he's going to get many."
"Maybe not as many people as you and Chakotay would have done, but I still think a lot of people will go back. I will, providing that's what Tom wants."
"I'm glad. Despite what he'd say, I think Tuvok would be disappointed if no one stayed with him."
"So what about Chakotay?"
"I tried to find him. I wanted to tell him that he'd taken me the wrong way, that it wasn't take me with Voyager or nothing, but I couldn't trace him. I think he left Earth straight away. I get the impression he's still with Starfleet, but they wouldn't tell me what his new posting was."
"I'm so sorry. I don't know what else to say."
"There's nothing to say, or do. I blew it, and I'll regret that for as long as I live."
"Is it really too late?"
"I think so. Even if I could find him I don't know what I'd be able to say now to make him see that he's the most important thing to me. I've never seen him that angry or upset, and I don't think I'll ever get over it."
There was a silence, before Kathryn spoke again.
"We'd better get inside before they think we've got lost. I'll have to face them sooner or later. I have to say though, I've got no idea what I'm going to tell them about why Chakotay isn't here. If I tell them it's all my fault they'll all hate me."
"None of us will ever hate you, not after all you've done for us. Just tell them that Chakotay has taken a posting that has already taken him away from Earth, and that he's sorry that he couldn't be here. I'm sure that's true, so you won't be lying."
"They know something's wrong though. I gave them that with the way I froze at their reaction when I got here. It won't take them long to work out that it's my fault he left that quickly."
"They'll just assume that you're upset that he couldn't be here, which is true. I expect they'll find out something happened between you eventually, but unless either Chakotay, you or I tell them exactly what it was, they'll never know."
"You’re right. Thanks, B'Elanna. You've been great."
"You're welcome. And…you can tell Tom what I've told you, but I'd appreciate if it was kept quiet beyond that."
"What about Harry?"
"If he asks too many questions, tell him. Otherwise…"
"I know, if he doesn't ask don't tell."
"Thanks again."
"Shall we go in?"
"I think so."
So Kathryn and B'Elanna returned to the party, and the night's festivities went on. No-one seemed to have any answers as to what happened to Chakotay. It was generally assumed that there had been some kind of a falling out between their commanding officers, but beyond that they had no clue. It leant a slightly subdued atmosphere to the proceedings which the few admirals present were slightly confused by, but none of them commented on it. Except Admiral Paris. He could tell more than the others that something was bothering Kathryn, and he tried to ask her what was wrong. She refused to talk, saying that it was neither the time nor the place for that conversation.
B'Elanna pulled Tom quietly away from prying eyes as soon as possible to give him some idea of what was going on. She felt she might need some help to make sure no-one started asking Kathryn any awkward questions. As soon as they reached what seemed to be a fairly quiet spot Tom started to ask her what was going on.
"So come on B'Elanna, what happened? Chakotay's not being here does have something to do with the Captain, doesn't it?"
"Yes, Kathryn told me what happened just now."
"So it's 'Kathryn' now? Getting friendly with the Captain…"
"Tom, she won't be our Captain anymore, and she needs all the friends she can get."
"What do you mean she won't be our Captain anymore? My father told me they'd given Voyager back to her, with as many of the old crew back as would stay."
"They did, but she's turned it down. Chakotay won't be there either. Tuvok's been given the command, and I want to go back anyway. What about you?"
"What's 'Kathryn' doing?"
"She's taken another command, the Genesis. She'll be the only one there from Voyager, and that's what she wants. I think anything else would be too painful."
"And Chakotay?"
"We don't know."
"Then we both go back to Voyager, with Tuvok."
"I'm glad about that. Do you think many people will go back if Kathryn and Chakotay aren't there?"
"Actually, I do. It'll be different, but it'll still be Voyager. I don't think we'll lose anyone we wouldn't have lost anyway."
"Kathryn will be pleased if that's true. She doesn't want us all to abandon Tuvok."
"So what did happen?"
"She did tell me I could tell you, which is the only reason I'm going to. I'm doing it now because…I think we should both look out for her this evening. She'll be able to keep that 'Captain's mask' in place as long as she doesn’t get any awkward questions. So we're going to make sure she doesn't get any."
"Sure."
"It's sad really, it sounds to me like if they hadn't both been on the defensive none of this would have happened. Kathryn arranged to meet Chakotay to formally offer him the position of First Officer on Voyager when she's back in service, and he turned her down. It caught Kathryn off-guard, and they both ended up saying things they shouldn't have. She finally told him how she feels about him, but did she ever pick the wrong moment. It all went downhill faster than a warp core breach, and he left. They haven't seen each other since, and he's now left Earth to take another job in Starfleet. Kathryn couldn't find out where, so she couldn't go after him."
"After all that time on Voyager and it ends like that, before anything really got started. Can't we do anything? I could ask my father to tell us where Chakotay went, if we talked to him, or got them to talk to each other…"
"Tom, no. This is something they have to sort out between themselves. They're both very hurt right now, and I think we'd probably make matters worse if we tried to force them together. The best we can do is be a friend to Kathryn, and when he gets in contact with us Chakotay too. And it goes without saying that this goes no further."
"What about Harry?"
"If he asks too many questions tell him. Otherwise, he doesn't find out a thing."
"Does Tuvok know?"
"Kathryn didn't actually say. He must know something's happened, because he's been given command of Voyager. I expect he could guess some of it, but…she did say that other than her, and Chakotay of course, you and I would be the only ones to know, so I suppose she hasn't told Tuvok."
"Wow. I'm still not sure I can believe that this has happened. It's always been so obvious how they felt about each other, I don't think there was anyone on that ship who didn't believe that they would be together as soon as we got home, if not before."
"And now neither of them believes they will ever see the other again."
"We should go back to the party, make sure she's OK."
"Tom, promise me something first."
"Sure."
"Never let anything like this come between us. I love you."
"I love you too, B'El, and I promise."
***
Kathryn arrived back at her apartment in the early hours of the morning feeling totally drained. Never before had keeping that damned mask in place been so hard to do. There had been a number of times during the party she had almost cracked, but either Tom or B'Elanna had always been there to keep her from doing or saying something stupid. Somehow they had managed to do it without looking like they were her bodyguards for the evening, and for that she was more grateful than she could say.
Getting through that party had one advantage though - she could finally lay to rest the period of her life that was Voyager and move on. As much as she was ever going to be able to, anyway. She had four weeks before shipping out on the Genesis, just enough time to visit her Mum and Phoebe again and familiarise herself with her new ship and crew. She'd had a look through the career profiles of the senior staff earlier that day. Her First Officer was a woman, giving rather unusually an all-female command team. At least that would save her any possibility of going through the same again as she had with Chakotay. Not that she would have thought it possible anyway - she knew there wasn't going to be anyone else like him in her life.
What was going to be strange was not having Tuvok as her Chief Security Officer. They had served together for years, and she had come to rely heavily on his insight and, surprisingly, his emotional detachment. She'd found it helped to counterbalance her tendency to get too involved, grounded her in some way. She'd have to find that within herself from now on.
Moving to the bedroom to get ready for bed, the picture she had placed on her table barely three weeks ago caught her eye. It was of her and Chakotay, during their sail on Lake George. Despite the circumstances leading to the evening on the holodeck they had both enjoyed spending that time alone together, possibly too much. Picking up the picture and clutching it to her chest, Kathryn sank down onto her bed and let out all the emotions she had been keeping in check all evening, and for six years before that. For the first time in more years than she cared to remember, Kathryn Janeway cried herself to sleep.
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Born To Make You Happy - Britney Spears
(Kristian Lundin/Andreas Carlsson)
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To be continued...
