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Category: Light Romance

Summary: Little changes with a deeper meaning.

This story was written for the first Voyages Home Fanfiction Contest! Find the contest page by clicking HERE.

And now, on with the show... <g>

A Friend's Touch, A Lover's Caress
(PG)

By LauraJo
© 7th October 2000
E-mail: laura@laurajo.net

=/\=

"It's the little things in life that make the difference, that make life worth living. Little changes that mean far more than outward appearances would suggest. That's the lesson that I have learnt."

=/\=

First Officer's Personal Log, Stardate 51**2.1

Sometimes I wish that Kathryn wouldn't touch me like that. Just a friendly hand on my chest, that's all it is, meant as some form of encouragement or something. But I can tell you it's encouraging entirely the wrong thing. I accepted long ago that things will never be any different between us. She knows I love her, but she also knows that she has to focus on getting her crew home and that's all that matters to her right now. I'm not going to say that I agree with her, but I do understand where she's coming from. I'm her best friend and she needs me, and that's enough for me.

Until she touches me just one too many times on any particular day and my mind starts to play tricks on me. I imagine that her hand stayed there just that little longer than necessary, just a millisecond longer than the last time, and then it's too late. My mind wanders down the forbidden path where Kathryn and I are happy together and this ship is no longer the most important thing in her life. Where we walk down the corridors of our Voyager hand-in-hand, unafraid of what the young ensign working in transporter maintenance thinks of this vision of his commanding officers. Where our children work under the watchful guidance of their teacher, while we look on with love glinting in our eyes. 

And all from a friend's touch. Some touch.

=/\=

First Officer's Personal Log, Stardate 51**7.4

It definitely lasted longer today. My best friend sent me out on a mission she knew I didn't want to take and yes, there was encouragement in that touch. But there was affection too. More than a friend should show.

And the best thing is that no-one else would have noticed a thing. Hell, I doubt if even Kathryn knew what she had done. It's a trademark 'Kathryn' move used on any and all under her command, just a subtle touch of the chest to reassure you that everything is fine, or that you've done well. She's done it for as long as I or anyone else can remember.

But I remember what her touch feels like; every one is etched into my memory in such detail that I could draw out the precise position that her hand falls into each time. And I recognised this as different, positively different. Not the work of my starved imagination and my own feelings projected onto Kathryn but just a very subtle change that said "You'll be fine, we won't let anything happen to you. I won't let anything happen."

It made my day. It made me feel safe. The mission went like clockwork.

=/\=

First Officer's Personal Log, Stardate 51**9.9

Kathryn snatched her hand away from me today. That has to mean something. Maybe it is just my imagination but I'm almost positive that it was a symptom of things changing between us. She seems to be getting closer and yet pulling away at the same time, as if she is starting to succumb to her feelings but is fighting them all the way. That's something I can sympathise with, but all I can do to help is give her time. Time and patience. And be there for her when she comes to me; when she needs me.

It happened in her ready room. We'd just finished discussing the latest systems performance reviews and she was asking me to relay some news to B'Elanna. Not pleasant news, hence the hand on chest routine again.

It was then that it happened. Just a hail from Tuvok on the bridge, that's all it was, but the interruption caused Kathryn to pull her hand away from me as if she'd been stung. She's never done that before. Touching people isn't unusual for Kathryn, she's always been a very tactile person, but never in all the years I've known her have I seen her pull her hand away from someone quite that quickly. The expression "caught with your hand in the cookie jar" springs to mind, but that assumes a lot about my part in the whole incident. She may have just been startled.

Then again her mind may have been going the way mine was, in which case Tuvok would certainly not approve. 

=/\=

First Officer's Personal Log, Stardate 51**2.5

There are so few defining moments in life but I experienced one last night. Kathryn kissed me.

We were sitting on the sofa after a meal in her quarters, and both of us had ended up curled into one corner. I was seated with my legs sprawled out in front of me, slouched down as low as I could go without falling rather ungracefully to the floor. Kathryn, on the other hand, was laying along the length of the seat, her back resting against that of the sofa and her head resting in the crook of my shoulder.

And yes, her hand was resting on my chest.

A calm silence had descended over us once we had settled into these positions, and nothing short of a red alert was going to move me before it moved Kathryn. Then it happened. I felt her shift under the weight of my arm until her eyes were facing mine, and I turned my head to meet her. She never looked so beautiful. Then some magical force pulled her in towards me until my eyes closed and I could feel the touch of her lips against mine.

Her lips against mine, and her hand on my chest. In a soothing, but loving caress.

=/\=

First Officer's Personal Log, Stardate 51**3.8

I thank the spirits for days like these. My mission to the Delga System ended safely despite a few hiccups along the way, and I received the customary welcome from my captain - a touch on the chest.

But this time was different. Oh, so different.

This time I knew what it felt like to experience that touch on my skin, without the barriers of clothing to dull the sensation. And despite the many layers of my Starfleet uniform separating me from her it was as if they didn't even exist. Her hand on my chest, lingering for as long as was possible without causing a side-show for the poor lieutenant on duty in the shuttlebay, burned my skin as truly as if she had trailed a hot poker down my front. No imagination necessary, this was pure memory at work. I *could* find it hard to believe that anyone could do that to me with such a simple gesture, but this is Kathryn I'm talking about. My Kathryn.

My friend's touch is now my lover's caress.

And I'm the only one who knows it.

The intimacy of that knowledge is amazing. Don't let anyone ever tell you that the thrill of a secret romance is all about the danger of getting caught and the excitement of a stolen kiss in a stolen moment together. After all, what could be more intimate than knowing that together you and your lover hold a secret from the rest of the universe? That you have your own little world that no-one else can invade because no-one else knows that it exists. That is a powerful thing.

And I won't deny it, it's downright arousing. Which is why I had to high-tail it out of the transporter room and back to my quarters.

Kathryn's still my best friend, but she's also my lover. Her hand still makes its way to rest on my chest, but the meaning behind that gesture is now so much greater. The point I'm trying to make here is that so much has changed but at the same time so little. It's the little things in life that make the difference, that make life worth living. Little changes that mean far more than outward appearances would suggest. That's the lesson that I have learnt. And the philosophy I will continue to live by.

THE END - Thanks for reading!!

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