See Part One for disclaimer, etc.
Same Time, Next Year - Part Two
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2380 - England
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Chakotay walked into the restaurant not really sure what to expect. He had heard a lot of good things about it from his friends, especially Tom and B'Elanna, but no-one had actually told him what kind of food they served. It looked like the kind of place to serve traditional Italian food, despite its location in a small village in the English countryside.
The waiter showed him to a table in the corner of the room, near a real wood fire. It was just for show - the real warmth came from the 24th Century heating system - but the flickering of the flames was comforting to Chakotay. He had been back on Earth for only twenty-four hours, and already he was missing his life on Dorvan V. The colony had been rebuilt after the end of the war with the Dominion, and he now lived there with his wife Helen, working as a liaison between the people of the planet and Starfleet Command. It was as part of his job that he was on Earth now - he had to meet with three admirals at Headquarters once a year. However, he didn't like to stay in San Francisco. He preferred to rent a small cottage in an old village in the England and transport over to Headquarters during the day. For some reason he felt at home in England, despite the fact that he had never been there before. So here he was, in a small restaurant in the county of Northamptonshire, eating alone at a table in a corner.
***
Kathryn Janeway walked up to the restaurant looking forward to having a nice meal in this place from her childhood. Her parents had often brought them here when they had something to celebrate. Being traditionalists they had loved the 'old' feel of the place. Now that Kathryn could choose for herself which 'traditionalist' practices she wanted to uphold, this was one of the few she had held onto. This restaurant seemed to be a haven from the real world, somewhere she could forget all about work and just relax.
She was shown to a table in a corner of the room where the windows looked out into the garden the proprietors used to grow their own vegetables. She had always sat looking out into the garden if she could but today felt like a change, so she took a chair facing into the room. When she looked around the room she found something, or rather someone, she certainly wasn't expecting. Chakotay was sitting at another table-for-one almost directly opposite her. At that moment Chakotay himself looked up, and their eyes locked in surprise. Chakotay looked away first, and Kathryn couldn't help but be a little disappointed. She still regretted the way in which they had parted three years ago. After being so close for so long, losing him was one of the hardest things she had ever gone through. It had been almost like losing Justin and her father had been all those years ago. For a brief moment upon seeing him here, she had considered asking him to join her, but his reaction to her presence had put her off that idea. This weekend was her one break of the year, and the last thing she needed was a public confrontation with an old friend. So she ordered her meal, and sat and ate it alone. For some reason though, she didn't enjoy it as much as she had done in the past.
***
Chakotay couldn't believe it when he looked up to see Kathryn at the other end of the room. Of all the places in the quadrant, they both had to be in this small restaurant practically in the middle of nowhere at the same time. What were the odds on that? He had managed to avoid her pretty well until now. Well, it hadn't taken much effort. He knew she was doing what she did best, captaining a starship, and was probably travelling all over the quadrant, but he had stayed put on Dorvan. She wasn't likely ever to go there, so he had figured he was fairly safe. He had thought that if he was going to bump into her anywhere it would be at Headquarters, where he could claim he was too busy to stop and chat. Well, he got that one wrong didn't he. There wasn't much he was going to be able to do to avoid her here. Besides the staff, there were only four other people in the restaurant - two couples.
Looking down at his plate he found he had completely lost interest in his food. By the way Kathryn was picking at hers, so had she. Maybe he should go over and get this over with. Despite the way they had parted, there had still been the odd moment, however infrequent, when he had thought that one day they could restore their friendship. Maybe this was someone's way of telling him he was right, and that now was the time.
While he was thinking about it, the waiter came over to relieve him of his plate, and offer him the dessert plate. Without thinking about it, he ordered coffee ice cream. It wasn't until it came that he realised what he had done - the last time he had eaten coffee ice cream had been with Kathryn, the night before they got back to the Alpha Quadrant and Earth. That settled it, he was going to go over to her, just as soon as he finished his dessert.
***
"Kathryn, can I join you for coffee? I thought maybe we should talk."
"I'm surprised you want to."
"If you're going to be like that…"
"No, I'm sorry. Please, sit down."
Chakotay sat, and an awkward silence followed where neither was sure what to say. When they finally spoke, they did so at the same time.
"Chakotay…"
"Kathryn…"
"You go first."
"Okay. Chakotay, why did you come over? I mean, when you realised I was here earlier it seemed like you couldn't wait to look away, as though if you couldn't see me then I wasn't really here."
"I know, and I'm sorry. I was shocked. This was the last place I expected to see you."
"I could say the same thing. So why did you come over?"
"I don't really know. I'm not sure how to explain it, but…something told me I had to. That I'd regret it if I didn't."
Silence ensued again, until Chakotay noticed something - the ring on Kathryn's left hand.
"You're married."
"Yes."
"Who's the lucky guy?"
"Mark."
"Mark! I thought he married someone else while we were in the Delta Quadrant."
"He did, but they divorced four years ago. Mark came to see me three weeks after the welcome home party and told me all about it. The problems started after they had a child. It was all my fault really, seems I can break up a marriage without even being there. Jackie wasn't too happy when Mark wanted to call their baby girl Kathryn. Once he knew this he went ahead and registered her without Jackie's agreement. Things went rapidly downhill after that, as you'd expect. I think I set some kind of precedent for being cited in a petition for divorce despite having been out of the Quadrant and effectively out of communication with anyone, including Mark and Jackie, for the entire life of the marriage. Not exactly the way I want history to remember me, but I can't do much about that."
"I think you'll be remembered for other things, Kathryn. And you know it."
"Point taken, but the fact remains I've been cited as a reason for divorce. I don't like the idea of being responsible for a marriage break-up."
"You couldn't have done anything about it. You didn't even know about it until it was all done and dusted. Don't beat yourself up."
"I think it would be better if I hadn't benefited out of it. After all, I did marry Mark. I couldn't have done that if he had still been with Jackie. And now Mark only gets to see little Kathryn once a year! Jackie took her to live with her own parents, on some colony where they grew up. I don't remember where. That's why I'm here."
"How do you mean?"
"Jackie brings Kathryn back to Earth on the same weekend each year to visit her father, and that same weekend I go away somewhere on my own. It gives them us all some space. The last thing any of us wants is Mark's time with his daughter to be tainted by the tension created when Jackie and I are in the same room. No-one wants to spend time with the woman they blame for the break-up of their marriage. Anyway, you still haven't told me what you're doing here."
"Oh right. I expect you know I've been working as a liaison between the people of Dorvan V and Starfleet."
"Yes, you've been living on Dorvan."
"Yes. I have to come back here once a year to meet with some admirals about anything that might need discussing. I choose to stay here in England rather than San Francisco every year because I prefer it out here. I have the cottage I'm staying in reserved for the same weekend every year."
"Are you married?"
Kathryn wasn't sure why, but some how this information seemed important.
"Yes. Helen and I married a year ago."
"Is she here with you?"
"No. She prefers to stay at home. She's not a great fan of Earth and I'm working a lot of the time anyway."
"Any children?"
"No. What about you?"
"No."
The end if this line of questioning was followed by another silence, and this time it was Kathryn who broke it.
"Did you notice how easily we slipped back into conversation? I told you all that stuff about Mark and Jackie without a thought, yet I haven't talked to anyone else about it the whole time we've been married."
"I suppose some things don't change. It doesn't solve the underlying problem though."
"Which is?"
"That we still haven't sorted out the mess that led to us not talking since we got back."
"Somehow I was hoping you wouldn't mention it, as though if you didn't say it it never happened."
"Sorry, but it did happen."
"I know."
"Kathryn, do you want to go for a walk? I don't want to leave without us sorting this out. I feel like we've been given a chance to correct what's gone wrong between us, and I don't want to throw it away. We used to be the best of friends, maybe even more than that. I can't forget it ever happened."
"Neither can I. Let's go."
The two of them then rose and left the restaurant together, paying their bills on the way out. They started to walk in silence along a narrow country lane, neither one of them quite knowing how to start what could easily become a heated discussion. They knew that they had to sort this out, that somehow they had to find a way to become friends again, but at the same time it was hard to imagine how that was going to happen.
"Chakotay, what happened back then. I know I shouldn’t have brought how we felt into that conversation, not in the way that I did anyway. It should have been a factor in whether or not we stayed together, but I shouldn't have made it seem like it was a 'Voyager or nothing' option."
"It wasn't?"
"No."
"It sure seemed that way."
"By the time I realised that was what you thought, you'd gone. I searched the whole area for you, hoping to find you wandering around. I tried calling. I left a string of messages. Then one day I was told that you had taken another job and left Earth. I was so hurt. I couldn't believe you'd left without saying goodbye. Even if I had been wrong, and you didn't love me anymore, I thought you'd at least have said goodbye as a friend."
"I did love you. That's why I couldn't say goodbye. I didn't know how to."
"I'm sorry."
"What for, exactly?"
"All of it. If I hadn't assumed quite so much we would at least have had each other as friends these past few years."
"Maybe it's a good thing that it happened the way it did. I wouldn't have wanted us to start a relationship only for you to meet up with Mark again not long afterwards. I'm not sure I could have handled it breaking up that quickly."
"Who says we would have broken up?"
"Well, you're married to Mark now, aren't you?"
"Yes, but…"
"Yes but what?"
"I still love you."
Chakotay stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face Kathryn.
"Do you mean that?"
"Of course I do. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it."
"I love you too. Spirits, Kathryn, what have we done?"
"Maybe we're just not meant to be, no matter how much we love each other."
"I don't believe that, I can't believe that. Kathryn, would you do something for me?"
"What?"
"Let me kiss you."
"Chakotay, I'm married. We're both married."
"Just once, that's all I'm asking. I need to know what it's like to feel you next to me."
"I'm not sure I'd be able to stop at one kiss."
"Then don't. Just for this weekend, can we forget our responsibilities elsewhere and do what we want."
"Chakotay…"
"Kathryn, please…"
So she kissed him, and it was unlike any kiss she had ever shared before. And she had been right - she didn’t want it to stop at one kiss. When they eventually had to pull apart for air, she spoke first.
"Chakotay?"
"Yes?"
"Where's your cottage?"
"About five minute's walk that way."
"Let's get walking then."
***
Kathryn woke the next morning in the arms of the man she loved as she had loved no other. She didn't feel any disorientation about waking in another man's arms, but instead just had the feeling that this was right. She looked down at Chakotay and smiled. If only she hadn't messed things up three years ago, she could have this every morning. But it was too late - she was married to Mark. And she did love him, in her own way. It would just never be what she shared with Chakotay.
Trying not to wake Chakotay up, she got out of bed and headed for the shower. She felt the need to leave while she still could, and thought that if she was dressed when Chakotay woke up she'd have more of a chance of doing so.
She emerged from the bathroom fifteen minutes later fully washed and dressed, to find Chakotay in the kitchen fixing breakfast.
"Morning, Kathryn."
"Good morning, Chakotay."
"You're dressed."
"Yes. I thought I should go soon. Last night was wonderful. More than that, it was…"
"I know."
"But it doesn't change the fact that we're both married. Tomorrow I have to get a transport back to Indiana and act as if nothing has changed."
"Yes, but that's tomorrow. Stay here for today, and tonight if you'd like. We can talk, enjoy each other's company. What's the harm in that?"
"Chakotay…"
"We both know that tomorrow we have to go back to the real world. I have to go to headquarters, you have to go home. And on Wednesday I'll go back to Dorvan. But that doesn't mean that we can't spend what little time we have together."
"You’re right. So, what are you making for breakfast?"
"Just some fruit. I thought fruit salad with a mug or two of coffee would start your day in the right way."
"Just what the doctor ordered. I can't believe how hungry I am, actually."
"Must have been that workout last night!"
"Watch it, mister."
"Hey, I'm feeling it too. I was there!"
"Don’t I know it."
Once they had eaten their breakfast in a comfortable silence, they made their way over to the sofa where they sat down and snuggled up to each other.
"So, what do you want to talk about? Make it anything but Starfleet. I know we're both still in the 'fleet, but it doesn't mean that's all we have to talk about."
"OK. Let me think. I know, how about I tell you the best and worst things about Mark, and then you do the same about Helen."
"Won't it seem a little strange talking about them?"
"Do you have any other ideas?"
"No."
"OK then, here we go. I'll start with the best…"
Kathryn paused to think, before launching into her story.
"It was one day last summer. We were walking in the park with Jimmy, our dog. It wasn't really one particular thing, more the whole afternoon. Mark was having so much fun mucking around in the grass with Jimmy. There was a grin permanently plastered on his face all afternoon. I sat on the grass just watching, but there was more to it than that. For the first time in a long time, I was completely relaxed. Mark did that for me. I was completely absorbed watching him, and no other thought entered my head. I hadn't experienced anything like it in a long time, and it was very welcome."
"Sounds wonderful."
"It was. Now for the worst thing. This one involves work. I was offered a promotion in September, to Admiral. It would have meant a desk job in San Francisco, accompanied by some teaching at the Academy. It was a real honour to have been offered it, I know that, but I wasn't ready to give up space. There's something about flying through the stars that I love. You know that as well as anyone. Well, it seems that Mark didn't realise quite how much it meant to me. He put pressure on me for days to take the job. He kept telling me how it would mean we had more time together, started to make plans for our future now that I would be planetside all of the time. He just didn't listen to the fact that I wasn't ready for that. It wasn't what I wanted, and still isn't. But in his head I had already accepted the job. For the first time in my life I realised that Mark doesn't know me as well as we both thought he did, and it hurt."
"I'm sorry, Kathryn."
"There's nothing for you to be sorry about."
"I could have been there for you."
"So, what about you're anecdotes. And as much as I love your ancient legends, I would prefer it if for this you told it to me straight."
Chakotay replied with one of his dimpled grins.
"Only if you promise I get to tell an ancient legend another time!"
"Oh, get on with it."
"Alright, let me see. Seeing as you did I'll start with the best as well. It's really quite simple. The best thing about Helen is that she married me even though she knew that I would never love her the way I love you."
"Oh, Chakotay…"
"It's OK. I do love her, just not quite in the same way. And she knows that I love her. I do think however that she wouldn't be quite as happy if she knew that we'd met up again, even forgetting what's happened since yesterday and assuming we'd met as just friends. I think a big part of the reason she could accept how I felt was because we both thought I would never see you again. Which brings me to something important, actually. We're both married, and for the sake of both of those marriages I think we should limit contact with each other. I do want my marriage to work."
"So do I."
"So what are we going to do?"
"Exactly what you said. Once I've left here tomorrow, that's it, we shouldn't contact each other. Of course, if we were to meet again accidentally…"
"You're unbelievable!"
"I know, but you love me anyway."
"That's what I've lead you to believe…"
"Hey!"
"Alright, alright. Anyway, now that's over with I'll start on the worst thing. I asked Helen earlier this year if she was interested in meeting her animal guide. I was going to introduce her to the vision quest, and show her some of my people's culture in the process. She wouldn't have any of it. In fact, she almost flat out refused to believe that the animal guide had any purpose, and said that she would rather I kept that part of my life to myself. I accept that we come from different backgrounds, and were raised with different beliefs, but I had expected a little more from her."
"Chakotay, that's awful."
"Kathryn, could you tell me something? Just because I'm interested to know, and I won't be offended if you say no."
"Of course, what is it?"
"After the time I showed you how, did you ever visit your animal guide again?"
"Yes, more than once. I've even created my own medicine bundle."
"Really?"
"I've got it with me here, in my bag. I haven't told Mark about it yet, so I was going to use the time away to visit my guide again. I never did thank you properly for introducing me to my guide, so I'll do so now. You have no idea how much it's helped me in the past. If nothing else, I feel as though you're with me somehow when I speak to him."
"I'm glad you feel that way. It means a lot to me that I've helped someone by introducing them to their guide. B'Elanna wasn't exactly a success!"
"Didn't you say she tried to attack hers?!"
"Yes, that's B'Elanna though isn't it. Or maybe how she used to be. I think she's calmed down a lot since she married Tom."
"Have you seen them recently?"
"No, but I have been in fairly regular contact. I haven't been able to see many of the old crew while living on Dorvan."
"I suppose not."
"What about you?"
"I haven't seen them either. I spend all my time in Indiana when I'm not on the Genesis. I haven't even managed to speak to them in a while, I'll have to do that when I get home."
"Should we tell them we've seen each other?"
"I'd rather not. They'd come out with lots of questions I don't want to answer. I'm not even sure I'd have answers to a lot of them."
"I can see that. I'll have a hard time not letting on though."
"We'll go away with good memories of this weekend though, won't we?"
"Oh, yes, and it's not over yet!"
Chakotay took this opportunity to pull Kathryn over for a kiss once more, and all conversation stopped for a while as their passion took over.
***
Kathryn and Chakotay spent the rest of the day catching up on the years they had been apart, and making up for lost time from the years before that - neither of them could keep their hands off the other for long. Both felt happy about their new closeness, they were so comfortable together that neither noticed the day slip away. They entirely forgot about lunch, and only realised that they should eat something (other than each other) when it began to get dark outside the cottage. Unlike the evening before, they chose to eat in. Neither of them wanted to miss out on what little time they had left together. Chakotay cooked a vegetable pasta dish for them, in a throw back to their time on New Earth. In fact, Kathryn had to admit to herself that she hadn't felt so at home since that time. There was just something about being alone with Chakotay that nothing else had ever matched.
Dinner passed quietly, followed by a soak in the bathtub together - another of Kathryn's fantasies fulfilled. Much later, they fell asleep on the bed curled in each other's arms.
***
The morning again saw Kathryn awake and dressed before Chakotay, and this time both knew that she had to leave. Chakotay, once awake, simply walked over and took her into his arms. A silent tear slipped its way down Kathryn's cheek as she pulled away, which Chakotay quickly wiped away.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Kathryn, come on, I know you, remember?"
"I know, it really is nothing. Nothing we can do anything about anyway."
"We will see each other again, you do know that, don't you. Somehow I just don’t believe we'll manage to go through life without bumping into each other somewhere."
"It could happen."
"It won't."
"But what if something happens to one of us?"
"It won't."
"You don't know that."
"I don't know it, but I believe it. We both have to believe it, it's the only way we're going to be able to walk away from here."
"And we have to walk away from here. Chakotay, can you do me a favour?"
"Anything."
"No goodbyes?"
"What do you mean?"
"Don't say goodbye, when I leave."
"If that's what you want, if it will make it easier."
"It will."
"So when are you going?"
"In ten minutes. I'm going to walk to the transport site, and I have to be there for 0900."
"You really can't stay any longer?"
"No. I think I need to go for a walk back home before I see Mark again, give myself time to get my head round all that's happened this weekend. If I'm not going to tell him, I don't need it to be obvious that this weekend was anything other than my normal weekend away on my own. I need to be able to look as though I'm stepping right back into my normal life. If I see him as soon as I've left here he'll see something different in me. He knows me, like you do I suppose. He's known me all my life, apart from those years in the Delta Quadrant, and I didn't change that much out there. He can still read me like a book most of the time."
"I understand. Are you going to be in San Francisco at all in the next few days?"
"No."
"Good. I think you'll understand this, but I don't think I could cope with meeting you in public anytime soon without doing something I shouldn't."
"Me too. So, this is it."
"I don't know what to say. No goodbyes though."
"No, no goodbyes. How about 'I love you'."
"I love you too."
A kiss on the cheek, and Kathryn was out of the front door before Chakotay had a chance to think about what happened.
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To be continued...
