See Part One for disclaimer, etc.
Same Time, Next Year - Part Six
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2384 - England
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Chakotay looked at the old fashioned chronometer on the wall for the fifth time in ten minutes. Where was Kathryn? He wanted Kathryn. He needed her.
He had been pacing up and down the length of the room for the last half hour, impatiently awaiting the arrival of the one person he had been longing to see for two months. Those months had felt like years, and the last few days like decades. He had no idea how he was ever going to do this again, not now. Why had everything had to change?
Finally, Chakotay heard someone knock.
***
The door was open before Kathryn even had time to let her hand fall back to her side. The next thing she knew Chakotay had enveloped her in a crushing embrace, holding her so tight she struggled to get enough air into her lungs to breathe. Unsure of what she should do she dropped her bag to the floor and hugged him back, resting her head against his chest.
After five minutes with no words or further movement from Chakotay, Kathryn was becoming increasingly worried. Pulling back a little so that she could speak without her voice being muffled she broke their continuing silence.
"Chakotay, what's wrong?"
There was no immediate answer, and following what she thought was a reasonable pause Kathryn tried prompting him again.
"Chakotay?"
This time there was an answer. "They're dead."
"Who? Who's dead?"
The only response Chakotay gave was the tightening of his arms even further, but this small movement answered Kathryn's question for her, or at least part of it.
"Oh no, tell me it's not..."
"Helen."
Kathryn pulled back and wrapped one arm around Chakotay to lead him into the cottage, leaving her bag forgotten outside the door. Sitting him on the sofa, she sat down beside him and drew him back into her arms.
"What happened? Tell me about it. First of all, you said 'they'."
"Yes, Helen and...and our baby."
"But I thought you couldn't..."
"I know, so did we, but it happened. She got pregnant. We were so happy. Finally we were going to have the family we had always wanted, we had our little miracle, and then it was all taken away from me. Everything."
"How did it happen?"
"It was a problem with the baby. Helen was fine one minute, the next she was cramping, then there was all this blood...they tried to save her...it was too late. She died on the biobed in the middle of the operation that was meant to save her, our son was already dead."
"It was a boy."
"Yes, James Christopher. My son."
"I can't believe Helen's gone. I was starting to feel as though I knew her, with everything I heard about her from you. Why do these things have to happen? Why can our lives never be simple? What did we ever do wrong?"
"We fell in love."
Kathryn pulled Chakotay even closer and they cried together, for the life they had never had and the losses they had suffered as a consequence. Most of all Kathryn cried for Chakotay. She had never seen him like this, and she wasn't sure she could stand to see him like it again. He had always been her rock, the person she could rely on to keep her calm, help her find her centre. He had always been the strong one, she had always been able to lean on him when times were hard. Now, he was breaking down in front of her eyes. And there was nothing she could do to comfort him. They cried until they fell exhausted into a fitful sleep, still holding each other close on the sofa. And the evening passed them by.
***
When Chakotay awoke he first felt a little disorientated, then he remembered something. The reason he had been so anxious to see Kathryn. Something he had to do, something he should have done a long time ago. Helen's death had been devastating, it was something he would never get over, but on the other hand it had given him an opportunity to right a wrong and he had every intention of doing just that.
Slowly extracting himself from Kathryn's now loosened embrace he made his way into the kitchen to make a start on preparing their evening meal. He wanted to get as much as possible finished before Kathryn woke up so he moved quickly. Luckily the dish he had chosen was not only special but quick to prepare, so by the time Kathryn showed even the remotest signs of awakening he had everything well under way. He had set the table and decorated it with flowers handpicked from the garden and candles he had found in one of the cupboards. It had long since grown dark outside so with the main lights dimmed the candlelight gave a special ambiance to the room. Satisfied that everything was at last ready, he walked over to where his former captain slept and gently placed a kiss on her forehead. As she started to stir he softly called out her name.
"Kathryn, time to wake up. It's time to eat, I've got dinner all ready."
Still rather sleepy Kathryn wasn't alert enough to put together a full sentence, so the only reply Chakotay got was "Oh...tired...time?"
"I know you're tired, what have you been doing recently? I was sure a couple of times I'd woken you up while I was cooking but each time I looked at you you were still dead to the world. And if you were asking what time it is it's 2200 hours, well past time to eat but we both slept through dinner time."
"Actually, I am quite hungry."
"Good, now sit down at the table and I'll bring our food over."
It was only at this point that Kathryn looked at the table.
"Chakotay, the table looks beautiful, what did I do to deserve this?"
"Do you have to have done anything?"
"You've never done this before."
"I've never had much of a chance. We've only been together for what, this is the fifth weekend now. That's less than a fortnight of time if you add it up, so our relationship is still brand new."
"Our relationship was never brand new, it wouldn't have been even if we had gotten together as soon as we got back from the Delta Quadrant. We spent too long dancing around each other on Voyager."
"All that means is that we would have skipped all the 'getting to know you' phase, we'd have avoided all the awkwardness and just been able to revel in our feelings for each other openly without worrying about saying or doing something wrong."
"You mean we already knew each other's faults."
"If you have to put it that way, then yes, but we loved...we love each other despite them. So, why should that mean that I don't get to cook you a romantic meal?"
"It shouldn't."
"Thank you, now eat your meal before it gets cold."
"Yes sir! Someone's on their high horse now then, aren't they."
Chakotay was all innocence. "I can't think who you could be talking about."
"Don't give me that, you know very well that I was talking about that man who's riding past the window right now!!" Kathryn was pointing in the direction of the window as she said this and Chakotay almost turned around to follow where she was pointing, stopping himself just in time. Kathryn noticed though, and couldn't help but laugh at him.
"What?"
"I can't believe you actually looked! Apart from anything else it's pitch black out there - even if there had been a man riding by on a horse I wouldn't have been able to see him!"
"You're impossible."
"But you love me anyway."
"Not if you don't eat your dinner."
"Enough already! I'll eat my dinner."
They calmed down enough to clear their plates with surprising speed - they had obviously been more hungry than either of them realised. Chakotay rose once they had finished to fetch desert, and while he was in the kitchen area Kathryn thought about the change in Chakotay since they had woken up. He hadn't mentioned Helen once and though he wasn't exactly jumping for joy, in fact he had at times seemed a little preoccupied, he certainly wasn't showing the grief that was so obvious when she had first arrived earlier that evening. Maybe the outpouring of grief then had helped him to begin the healing process in some way, but Kathryn rather suspected that there was another reason entirely behind the change.
As Chakotay approached the table once again Kathryn's thoughts switched to the present. In Chakotay's hands were two large bowls, one containing double chocolate-chip cookies and the other what looked like...yes, in the other was coffee ice-cream. Kathryn's worries about Chakotay flew to the back of her mind as all she could think about was the food that awaited her.
"You must have read my mind. Chocolate and coffee, two of the greatest creations on Earth together in one desert. I'm in heaven."
"That was the idea. Here, have a spoon."
Kathryn took the offered spoon from Chakotay and they both picked up a cookie whilst at the same time digging into the bowl of ice-cream. Not a word was spoken for quite a while as they were both far too busy stuffing themselves stupid with the delicacies in front of them. A stray thought crossed Chakotay's mind that he never used to like coffee, but somehow that seemed insignificant now. All he could think about was making sure he got his fair share before Kathryn polished it off.
With the ice-cream bowl virtually licked clean and the cookie bowl containing only crumbs Kathryn sat back in her chair, feeling far too full to move any further.
"That was so good, what can I ever do to repay you for such a wonderful meal?!"
"Marry me."
"Cookies and ice-cream for a wife! I'm not sure if that's a fair..." Kathryn stopped mid-sentence as she caught the look in Chakotay's eye. "You were serious weren't you."
"Never been more so. Kathryn, marry me. I love you, and I know you love me too. We should never have left it this long, we belong together and we both know it. It's time we put things right."
"Chakotay I can't, you know that. I'm already married."
"Can you honestly tell me that you feel even half the same way about Mark that you do about me?"
"That's not the point. I'm comfortable with Mark, and then there's Hannah..."
"There's that word again, comfortable. You should have so much more from a marriage. You could have, with me. Hannah wouldn't suffer - she'd gain a parent, not lose one. I'd treat her like my own."
"Oh, Mark would just love that. Losing another child. He's been through enough already."
"Haven't *we* been through enough? Don't we deserve a chance to be happy?"
"No, not like that. We got our timing wrong, and we're going to have to live with it. We agreed on that when we started to see each other and it's not going to change. Nothing is going to change."
"But things have changed."
"For you. I can't break up my family just because you lost yours. It's not fair to Hannah, to Mark. To me. I'm sorry about Helen, you have no idea just how much it hurts me to see you hurting like this, but I can't leave Mark. I don't want to, I won't do it."
"And I can't keep seeing you knowing that Mark has you for 363 days of the year, and I only have you for two. It's not enough anymore."
"What are you saying, Chakotay?"
"I suppose I'm saying that you have a choice - me or Mark. You can't have both anymore."
"You can't be serious."
"I assure you Kathryn, I mean it."
"Then this is over. We're over."
"What?!"
"If you're making me choose then I have to choose Mark. I'm sorry."
"Fine. Stay tonight, it's too late to go anywhere now, but you'd better leave in the morning."
"Don't worry, I'll be gone at first light. I'll sleep on the couch. Goodnight, Chakotay."
"Goodnight Kathryn, and goodbye."
Chakotay turned and made his way to the bedroom. Kathryn waited until the door had shut behind him then collapsed onto the sofa in tears for the second time that night. She couldn't leave Mark, Chakotay had to understand that. But she couldn't lose Chakotay either. Sleep was a long time in coming.
***
Chakotay woke the following morning and immediately made his way out of the bedroom to look for Kathryn. He had done a lot of thinking overnight and realised that he had been wrong. If it was a choice between seeing Kathryn once a year or not seeing her at all then of course he'd choose once a year, he just had to tell her that before it was too late.
Unfortunately, all that met him as he exited his bedroom was an empty sofa and a message flashing on the communications monitor in the corner. It was a written message, and simply said:
"I love you. I just hope that one day you can understand my decision. K."
Chakotay stood rooted to the spot as the realisation of what this meant slowly dawned on him.
She was gone.
He was too late.
She was gone.
Looking at the chronometer on the wall that he had spent so much time watching the evening before Chakotay realised that it was still early, it couldn't have been light outside for long. Maybe it wasn't too late after all, maybe he could still catch her. Throwing on the first shirt and pair of trousers he could lay his hands on he ran out of the door and headed in the direction of the nearest transport facility. If he could catch her up, maybe he could convince her to come back. Please, don't let it be too late.
***
Kathryn was taking her time over the walk to the transport facility. To be honest, she still hadn't decided where she was going to go. She couldn't go home. Not only did she not want Mark to see her like this, but Jackie and little Kathryn would be there. No, she couldn't go home. She didn't want to go to her mother's either. Phoebe was staying there at the moment, and between Phoebe and her mother someone would notice something was wrong and they wouldn't let up until they knew what it was. Wherever she went, it had to be somewhere she could think things through on her own.
When she arrived at the facility she still hadn't decided so she decided to stop at the coffee shop over the road. Dumping her heavy bag on the ground she ordered a drink and sat back, enjoying the local countryside for the last time.
***
Chakotay ran into the building and looked all around him. She wasn't there. There was no-one there but the bored technician who was blindly staring at the control panel in front of him. Kathryn had gone.
Exiting the building at a much slower pace to that at which he had entered his attention was caught by an auburn-haired figure sitting at a streetside table across the road. She had her back to him, but he would recognise her anywhere. Relief flooded through him as he slowly approached where she sat.
"Kathryn?"
Startled at the sound of Chakotay's voice Kathryn turned her head almost involuntarily in his direction.
"Chakotay, what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to ask you to come back."
"I can't. You made it perfectly clear last night what the deal has to be now, and I thought I'd made it clear that I can't do what you want. I have to go."
"No, you don't. I shouldn't have said what I did, I understand that you can't leave Mark. I would still love to marry you but I understand that that isn't possible, so I'll settle for whatever I can get. Two days a year is better than none."
"Chakotay, don't say that unless you're sure. It's not fair on you, to be alone all year knowing that I'm far away and living my life with Mark and Hannah. I know you, now that you know how I feel about you you won't let yourself be happy with anyone else. If we stopped seeing each other maybe you could meet someone else, build a life together."
"Kathryn, I love you and I need you. I'm sure, two days will be enough."
After an agonising pause Kathryn gave her answer.
"OK, I'll come back. For the weekend, each year, just like before. But no more."
"Thank you, and I'm sorry about all of this. If I hadn't asked what I did of you we could have had a wonderful evening last night, instead we've lost half of our weekend."
"You can make it up to me tonight. First though, sit down. This coffee is divine!"
"And that from an expert, it must be worth trying!"
Chakotay ordered himself a coffee then joined Kathryn at her table. He hadn't lost her, and for that he was thankful. He would just have to give her the best two days every year that were humanly possible. He would never force her to choose, never drive her away again.
***
The coffee was followed by lunch, and then once again feeling as though they couldn't eat another thing they slowly started to head back to the cottage. Chakotay carried Kathryn's bag, and they walked along with their arms around each other and Kathryn's head resting on Chakotay's shoulder. Not a word was spoken between them as they reflected on what had almost happened, how they had almost lost each other again. And then just enjoyed the feeling of being together.
Even as they entered the house not a word was spoken. Chakotay dumped the bag on the floor, and no sooner had he done this than he pulled Kathryn close and kissed her deeply. Kathryn returned the kiss with an equal passion, and they proceeded towards the bedroom losing items of clothing along the way. A gust of wind caused the front door to slam closed behind them, but neither of them noticed. Their attention was focused on an entirely different matter, and it wasn't going to be diverted for some time to come...
***
"Kathryn, do you realise I haven't heard what your best and worst moments from this year were yet? I think mine go without saying, but that doesn't mean you still can't tell me all about your year."
"OK, let me think. My life really hasn't been that eventful this year, so finding something to tell you could be quite hard, or boring, I'm not sure which."
"It won't be boring if you're telling it."
"That's sweet, but I don't believe you for a nanosecond. You can't honestly tell me you never switched off when I started explaining some long, complicated scientific or engineering related hypothesis on Voyager that you really didn't need to know about or understand?"
"Never."
"You're lying, but if it makes you feel better I'll pretend you really wanted to know. So, my best moment this year. I suppose it was when we took Hannah to the beach last summer. She was so cute, first playing around in the sand and then splashing in the sea. Mark tried to teach her to swim but she just wouldn't..." Kathryn trailed off as she noticed the look of grief pass over Chakotay's face, but rather than pull him right back into thoughts of his still-born son by apologising or offering to talk about it she just finished the story quickly in order to get on to something else.
"Anyway, to cut a long and to be honest rather uneventful story short, we had a great day. It was wonderful to spend some time with Hannah like that, I don't get to do that often with my work. Actually, the worst moment this year is far easier to decide on. Do you remember me talking about my tree?"
Chakotay seemed to have recovered a little and his reply showed no signs of what had been written all over his face just moments before. "The one in the field by your home in Indiana?"
"Yes, that's the one, where I used to go if I wanted to think or even just be alone. Well, it finally fell victim to Indiana's winter weather. It was an old tree, and I think that this year was just one year too many. I went to stay with my mother in February and when I got there it was lying on the ground. Apparently it had only fallen down the previous day so no-one had touched it yet. It was like another piece of my youth had been taken away. I probably have it in a holoprogram or in the background of some holopic somewhere, but that's just not the same thing. Nothing will ever replace that tree."
"I can't believe you of all people could get this sentimental over a tree!"
"It wasn't just any tree, it was *my* tree. Are you hungry?"
"That was a swift change of subject, were you frightened you might lose if that had turned into an argument or something?"
"No, just hungry."
"Sure Kathryn. I believe you, thousands wouldn't."
"Actually, thousands would. I'm the great Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Starship Voyager!"
"Not anymore you're not, you're just another Admiral who we all have to call 'Sir' and suck up to if we want anything done!"
"If I didn't love you so much I'd hit you for that. You know very well I hate to be called Sir, it's..."
"...'Ma'am' at a crunch but I prefer 'Admiral'."
Chakotay's impersonation of her speaking the words he had heard associated with her several times did earn him a playful punch on the arm, at which point he leapt up from their position curled on the sofa and went out to the kitchen to start on their evening meal. It seemed some bridges had been mended between he and Kathryn and he intended to take full advantage of their evening together, starting straight after a quick meal with a dip in the bathtub and then wherever the mood may take them. He had a pretty good idea of where that would be, and he wasn't complaining. No, he wasn't complaining at all.
***
Most of the following morning came and went without either of the cottage's inhabitants being even remotely aware of it. Kathryn was the first to awaken and all she did then was snuggle closer into Chakotay's arms. By the time the two of them were awake enough to think about getting up it was almost midday, although neither of them were as yet aware of this fact...
"Do you think it's time to get up yet?"
"Do we have a time to get up?"
"Probably not, but I'm hungry."
"Kathryn, you're always hungry these days, what on Earth's gotten into you?"
"Maybe it's just that, Earth. I know we've been back for years now but I've only spent any long period of time on Earth in this past year or so, since my promotion. I suppose I'm just starting to appreciate the food back here again."
"That could explain it. So what do you fancy?"
"I don't know, let's see what we can put together."
Chakotay got out of bed, wrapped a bathrobe around himself and walked out towards the kitchen, followed closely by Kathryn until something caught her attention.
"Oh no..."
"What is it?"
"The time, have you seen the time? The morning's just about over, I'm going to have to leave in an hour or so!"
"Can't you stay a little longer?"
"Chakotay..."
"Alright, I know, you have to go. I'm just going to miss you, that's all."
"I'll miss you too, but I'll be back next year. You do know that, don't you. I will be back."
"I know. Do you want toast?"
"What?"
"For breakfast, do you want toast?"
"Yes, toast would be good. Do we have any bananas?"
"I think there's some in that cupboard."
"Yes, I've found them. Chakotay, you will be alright on Dorvan won't you?"
"Yes, I have my friends, and my memories of Helen are there. I'll be fine, I don't need you worrying about me. You need to get on with your own life, and I'll be here just as you will next year. Same time, same place, same people. Just the two of us."
They carried their breakfasts over to the table and sat down to eat, hands clasped across the table. They each talked of their plans for the following year, and once they had exhausted that topic they filled each other in on what they had each heard about mutual friends. The time passed quickly, and all too soon it was time for Kathryn to leave. Sometime during their conversation she had managed to dress and collect her belongings, and her bag was now sitting by the door waiting for her exit. After a final kiss they stood looking into each other's eyes, saving the memory that would get them through another year.
"I'd better be off. You will remember to stay away from the Night Owl while you're in San Francisco won't you?"
"Of course. Take care, Kathryn. I love you."
"I love you too."
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To be continued...
